a quiet deep burning pride

I was a different person when I started this series. It has been over ten years in the making - scraps of paper, countless notebooks and sketchpads, what I considered ‘short stories’ at the time. Everchellia never left me alone. Somehow, impossibly, that world from my mind has become a series. And, if I may toot my own horn, a damn good one.

Now that the first book is sitting with my editor and the second is being tweaked by yours truly, I realize just how different this process is than what I expected. I thought this would be straightforward, easy, just start to finish. It hasn’t been. Not one bit. It’s been an endless twisting labyrinth of self-doubt and hatred that circles back around to narcissism.

There were days when the words flowed effortlessly, when the scenes unfolded with perfect clarity in my mind. Those were the days that felt like magic, like the story was being whispered to me by my characters, waking up with the words on the tip of my fingers. But there were also days when every sentence felt like pulling teeth, when the words seemed to mock me from the page, refusing to fall into place no matter how hard I tried. Most of the days were like that, actually.

The hardest part was learning to accept that it wouldn’t always be easy. There were times when I wanted to quit, to toss the whole thing aside and pretend it never existed. I did that a fuckload. But I knew deep down that I couldn’t walk away. This story had become a part of me, and leaving it unfinished would have felt like leaving behind a piece of myself. Now that two parts of the series are in my back pocket, I feel a quiet pride that isn’t normal for me. One that runs deep. It feels good to be proud of it.

If you’re reading this and you’re in the middle of your own writing journey, I want you to know that it’s okay if you feel scared. It’s ok if you want to give up. Trust the part of you that tells you that your story is worth telling, because it is.

The series is nowhere near complete, so in a way this journey is just beginning. Whoever you are, sitting on the other end of the screen, thanks for being there.